Leadership musings

So I know that leadership scares me; I know that I would much rather work behind or under someone, because there I can fix my mistakes; if I mess up, then I put in the extra effort to fix it, and things are fine. But no so in leadership; couple that fear with a consistent lack of discipline and I'm afraid you have, well, me. But I still don't feel like that is why I loath leadership so severely, because I look over my life the last five years, over the leadership positions I have been in both professionally (at least in academia) and privately (specifically, in my church), and while I still fall very short of where I could be, I see progress. I think it is the knowing that I have so much work yet to do, so much growing, that gets me. I gauge my life by where I "could" be; always looking to be the best I could be with what God has blessed me with, and what He is teaching me. And I think while I have improved with leading, I still could be so much more...and it tires and scares me.